I LONG

In 1875 Fanny Crosby published a song she called, "I am Thine, O Lord."   It was a song of surrender and a longing to be drawn more fully into the life of Jesus.  In her song she said,

I am Thine, O Lord, I have heard Thy voice,

And it told Thy love to me;

But I long to rise in the arms of faith

And be closer drawn to Thee.

Draw me nearer, nearer blessed Lord,

To the cross where Thou hast died;

Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord,

To Thy precious, bleeding side.

            Jesus said, "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent me draws him" (John 6:44, NASB).  As followers of Jesus who are caught up in the amazing grace of God, it makes sense that everyday our longing for God would grow deeper and deeper.  He has called us to Jesus, and that calling has shaken the very foundation of our lives. A W. Tozer prayed, "O God, I have tasted Your goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more" (The Pursuit of God).

            That seems to be the deal when it comes to knowing God.  The more we know Him the more we thirst to know Him more.  So we pray, "I have heard Thy voice…I long to rise in the arms of faith and be closer drawn to Thee" (Crosby).  God has lavished His grace on us and has drawn us into His very life, where we discover God's unmerited favor, His unconditional love, and just how far He will go to redeem His creation back to Himself.

           

In chapter eighteen of book one, of his The Imitation Of Christ, Thomas á Kempis writes of those whom he called, "holy Fathers."  He says that they

[S]aw themselves as nothing and the world despised them, but in the sight of God they were priceless and beloved.  They possessed true humility, lived in simple obedience, and walked in charity and patience, and thus they daily progressed in spirit and found great favor with God.  (Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ (Vintage Spiritual Classics, translated by Joseph N. Tylenda, S.J. Revised edition, 1998,) Random House, Inc., 22, 23)

There is something in á Kempis' description of these early men of Christ that resonates in my spirit.  There has been a deep hunger in my life from the age of twelve to live for Christ.  On this journey, however, I have soared and plummeted, experienced victories and defeats, lived in success and failure, embraced God with all my heart at times, and questioned God in certain moments about the harsh realities of life.  I am a very human man, seeking to find my way in the journey of faith in Christ.  Without sounding overly dramatic I really do want to live in what á Kempis calls true humility, simple obedience, charity and patience. 

            "Want too," however, hasn't gone too far in my experience.  "Want to" rises and falls.  The truth is, I do desperately need God in my life.  Outside of God's grace and mercy and patience and power, I find myself caught up in a mess of my own making.  I'm way past even blaming the devil for what I am like when I drift.  I could write a book about how to fall short of the glory of God.

            At the same time, I realize that many times I am too hard on myself.  This  has something to do with the way I was raised in the church.  At least, it has something to do with my perception of how I was raised in the church.  I grew up thinking that I would never be enough, that I needed to hate myself and yield everything to God.  That's what good Christians did. Self was evil, God was good.  No matter how hard I tried I could never measure up to the good I saw in God.  The "want to" was there but the "know how" wasn't.           

            Then, one day, I bumped into a prayer from Thomas Merton that rocked my inner world.  It still does.  He prayed,

My Lord God,I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.           (Thoughts In Solitude)       

Merton helps me to see that uncertainty is okay, that it can actually be the condition that drives me into the arms of God.  "Want to" is extremely important and creates a hunger, a desire. Perhaps God is so overwhelmingly gracious that the desire to please Him does in fact please Him. Perhaps the desire of which á Kempis speaks pleases God in and of itself.  Perhaps my hunger to live in true humility, simple obedience, charity and patience in and of themselves pleases God.   

In another place Merton gives even greater clarity to this thought.  He writes,

“In one sense we are always traveling, and traveling as if we did not know where we were going. In another sense we have already arrived. We cannot arrive at the perfect possession of God in this life, and that is why we are traveling and in darkness. But we already possess Him by grace, and therefore, in that sense, we have arrived and are dwelling in the light. But oh! How far have I to go to find You in Whom I have already arrived!”

-- The Seven Story Mountain

Isn't that a setting free thought for those of us who claim Jesus as our Lord and Savior?  "We already possess Him by grace, and therefore, in that sense, we have arrived and are dwelling in the light.  But oh!  How far have I to go to find You in Whom I have already arrived."  Fanny Crosby said it this way, "I am Thine, O Lord…but I long to rise in the arms of faith and be closer drawn to Thee."

"We already possess Him by grace and…we have already arrived but I long to be closer drawn to Thee."

Let us all, regardless of where we are on the journey hear the Words of Jesus that call us home to life in His grace.

“Come to me, all you who are weary

and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you 
and learn from me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart, 
and you will find rest for your souls. 
For my yoke is easy

and my burden is light.” 

-- Matthew 11:28-30