Sometimes I feel like I’m in over my head in this thing called, following Jesus. I can’t tell you the number of times I think I’ve finally got some things figured out when life throws a mind-blowing curve at me, and I find myself realizing that I’m just a kindergartener finger painting his way through grad school. It’s not a pretty sight.

These feelings come rushing in on me when I see two longings on the part of the apostle Paul that are in such stark contrast to each other that I am left thinking surely he didn’t mean what it looks like he meant. One of them I get because I’m an American. The other one I don’t get because I’m an American.

The one I get is the one where Paul says he longs to know Christ and to share in the power of his resurrection. I get that. Who wouldn’t? To share in the power that is nothing short of resurrection, that’s huge. That puts one on the winning team. That puts one ahead of the pack, dancing in the end zone having made the defense look silly. I get that.

The one I don’t get is the one where Paul says he longs to know “the fellowship of sharing in the sufferings of Christ, becoming like him in his death” (Phil. 3:10). Now wait a minute. Dancing in the end zone because you just blew the defense away is one thing; longing to be creamed by the defense on your way to the end zone, that’s something else. (Please forgive my football fascination but the Super Bowl is coming up).

Resurrection is about power. Suffering is about weakness. And, most of us don’t want much to do with weakness. We’re Americans, my goodness.” We ain’t taken nothing from nobody (pardon my English). Yet Paul says he longs to participate in a fellowship of sharing the sufferings and death of Jesus.

Is it not refreshing to discover a life that is not rooted in self-help and in the need to always win but is rooted in the life of the One who comes into our very real human lives and works the works of God there? Could it be that in the midst of a relationship born of a suffering and a death that we are enabled to face our demons and find the life for which we so desperately seek?

Could it be that our suffering alongside Jesus enables us to better hear the cries of those around us, and causes us to break free from the heresy of always having to win and, instead, find it is grace we need and not just power.